Ten Questions People Ask About Getting to Yes
Key Takeaway: This FAQ chapter addresses the most common objections to principled negotiation — from when positional bargaining might still make sense, to how to handle personality and cultural differences, to the seven sources of negotiating power — and provides the book's most nuanced treatment of strategy, commitment, communication mode, and the ethical boundaries of negotiation.
Chapter 9: Ten Questions People Ask About Getting to Yes
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Summary
This chapter — the book's longest and most wide-ranging — addresses ten frequently asked questions organized into four categories: fairness, dealing with people, tactics, and power. It functions as both a defense of the method against common objections and a significant expansion of the theory with new frameworks and nuances not found in the main chapters. Any reader who stops at Chapter 8 misses some of the book's most sophisticated material.
On fairness (Questions 1-3), Fisher concedes that positional bargaining can work acceptably in narrow conditions: single-issue negotiations among strangers where transaction costs of exploring interests are high and competitive alternatives protect both sides. But he lists five diagnostic questions to determine whether principled negotiation is worth the effort — how important is a non-arbitrary outcome, how complex are the issues, how much does the relationship matter, what are the other side's expectations, and where are you in the negotiation process? His nuanced conclusion: even in contexts where positional bargaining seems appropriate, shift to principled negotiation if the discussion bogs down. On conflicting standards of #fairness, Fisher argues that agreement on the "best" standard isn't necessary — competing standards still narrow disagreement and are more productive than competing positions. And on whether to be fair when you don't have to be, Fisher offers a pragmatically consequentialist analysis: will the unfair result be durable? What damage will it cause to this and other relationships? What's the reputational cost? Will your conscience bother you? The Kashmir rug story — a tourist who cleverly paid in worthless Weimar-era German currency and later couldn't look at the rug without feeling sick — captures the hidden cost of winning unfairly.
On dealing with people (Questions 4-6), Fisher reaffirms that "separate the people from the problem" does not mean ignoring people problems — it means addressing them directly with the same principled approach used for substance. The distinction between substantive issues (terms, prices, dates) and relationship issues (emotion, communication, trust, acceptance, persuasion vs. coercion) is laid out as parallel tracks requiring independent negotiation. His advice on "apparent irrationality" is particularly mature: rather than dismissing irrational behavior, look for the skewed perception that makes the behavior rational from their perspective. The person who fears flying isn't irrational — they genuinely believe the plane will crash. Fisher's prescription echoes the behavior profiling work of Chase Hughes in The Ellipsis Manual: find the underlying psychological interest (the fear, the trauma, the identity threat) and address it directly.
The question of whether to negotiate with terrorists or Hitler produces Fisher's most pragmatic answer: it depends entirely on your BATNA. If negotiation holds the promise of a better outcome than your alternative, negotiate — regardless of how unsavory the other side. The Iran hostage resolution, the Kuwait Airways hijacking, and the contrast between WWII and the Cold War all illustrate that principled negotiation is a tool, not a moral stance. You negotiate with terrorists not because you approve of terrorism, but because communication increases your chance of influence. On cultural and personality differences (Question 6), Fisher wisely advises: "Pay attention to differences of belief and custom, but avoid stereotyping individuals." The research on gender differences in negotiation is acknowledged but treated carefully — group tendencies don't predict individual behavior.
On tactics (Questions 7-8), the chapter breaks significant new ground. The discussion of #communication modes — face-to-face vs. phone vs. email vs. text — includes research showing that deception rates more than tripled in phone negotiations compared to face-to-face, and that face-to-face negotiations produced three times as many mutually beneficial agreements as written ones. Fisher's advice: difficult conversations involving emotions should always be face-to-face; use schmoozing to build personal connection before diving into substance; reread emails for ambiguity before sending. The concept of "reactive devaluation" — the psychological tendency to devalue a proposal simply because the other side offered it — explains why even generous offers are sometimes rejected. Fisher's solution: do the groundwork of exploring interests and options before making an offer, so your proposal is seen as a natural outgrowth of discussion rather than a suspicious gambit.
On closure, Fisher introduces the Framework Agreement concept — a document in the form of an agreement with blanks for each term to be negotiated, essentially a collaborative agenda that ensures no important issues are overlooked. His advice to "move toward commitment gradually" and keep all commitments tentative ("Tentative Draft — No Commitments") until the final package is assembled is directly opposed to positional bargaining's approach of locking in wins piecemeal. The instruction to "be generous at the end" — giving the other side something of value as a final gesture to clinch the deal and ensure they leave feeling satisfied — is tactically shrewd and emotionally intelligent.
The final question on power (Question 10) is the chapter's culmination and arguably the most important section in the entire book. Fisher identifies seven sources of #negotiatingpower: (1) a good BATNA, (2) a good working relationship, (3) effective communication, (4) understanding interests, (5) elegant options, (6) external standards of legitimacy, and (7) carefully crafted commitments. The most counterintuitive insight: negotiation power is not zero-sum. Both sides becoming better negotiators makes agreement more likely and better for everyone. The Lord Caradon / Kuznetsov story about U.N. Resolution 242 — where personal trust between two diplomats produced a unanimous vote on a historically contentious issue — is a powerful demonstration of relationship as power. Fisher's #reframing technique, illustrated with four ways to redirect a positional "$10,000" statement (reframe to interests, options, standards, or BATNA), is one of the most immediately useful tactical tools in the book.
Key Insights
Negotiation Power Has Seven Sources, Not Just BATNA
While BATNA is the most commonly cited source of negotiating power, Fisher identifies six additional sources: relationship quality, effective communication, understanding of interests, elegant options, external standards, and carefully crafted commitments. A negotiator who is weak on one dimension can compensate by being strong on others. Resources (wealth, connections, military might) are not power until converted into one of these seven forms.Negotiation Power Is Not Zero-Sum
This is perhaps the book's most radical claim. More power for the other side doesn't necessarily mean less for you. Two trustworthy negotiators can influence each other more effectively — and reach better outcomes — than two untrustworthy ones. Building the other side's capacity to negotiate well serves your interests because it increases the probability and quality of agreement.Communication Mode Dramatically Affects Outcomes
Research shows face-to-face negotiations produce three times more mutually beneficial agreements than written negotiations, with dramatically lower deception rates. The absence of visual cues in digital communication reduces empathy, increases deception, and feeds our tendency to assume the worst. Practical rule: do difficult conversations face-to-face; reread emails before sending; build personal connection before substance.Reactive Devaluation Sabotages Even Generous Offers
People tend to devalue proposals simply because the other side offered them — if they're offering it, it must not be good for me. The counter: do the groundwork of exploring interests and options before making an offer, so your proposal is perceived as a natural outgrowth of shared analysis rather than a suspicious one-sided move.Reframing Is One of the Most Powerful Tactical Moves
When the other side makes a positional statement ("$10,000 is our limit"), you can redirect the conversation by reframing to interests ("What's driving that number?"), options ("What if we structured it differently?"), standards ("How does that compare to market rates?"), or BATNA ("Perhaps we should consider whether agreement is possible here"). Reframing changes the game without confrontation.A Reputation for Fair Dealing Is Your Most Valuable Asset
Fisher argues that a well-established reputation for fairness opens up creative agreements impossible for untrusted negotiators. Such a reputation is much easier to destroy than to build. The short-term gain from exploiting a weaker party is almost always outweighed by the long-term cost to your negotiating reputation.Key Frameworks
Five Diagnostic Questions: When Does Positional Bargaining Make Sense?
(1) How important is it to avoid an arbitrary outcome? (2) How complex are the issues? (3) How important is the working relationship? (4) What are the other side's expectations and how hard to change? (5) Where are you in the negotiation? Principled negotiation is most valuable when outcomes need to be non-arbitrary, issues are complex, the relationship matters, and you're early in the process.Seven Sources of Negotiating Power
(1) Good BATNA — walk-away attractiveness; (2) Good working relationship — trust, understanding, respect; (3) Effective communication — listening, crafting messages, process management; (4) Understanding interests — theirs and yours; (5) Elegant options — creative solutions that dovetail interests; (6) External standards — precedent, fairness, legitimacy; (7) Carefully crafted commitments — firm offers, negative commitments, clarity about what you want. Each source reinforces the others; use them in harmony.Four Reframing Moves
When the other side makes a positional statement, redirect by reframing to: (1) Interests — "Help me understand what's driving that number"; (2) Options — "That's one option; what if we tried...?"; (3) Standards — "How did you arrive at that figure? What standard supports it?"; (4) BATNA — "Perhaps we should think about whether agreement makes sense here." Reframing changes the negotiation without confrontation.Framework Agreement
A document in the form of a final agreement with blanks for each term to be negotiated. Functions as agenda, ensures no issues are overlooked, creates a sense of progress, and provides a collaborative structure. Draft as you go; keep all provisions tentative until the final package is assembled.Micro-BATNA
Your best alternative if no agreement is reached at this meeting (not the overall negotiation). Preparing a good exit line ("Thank you for sharing your views. If I decide to go forward, I'll be in touch with a fresh proposal") gives you the option to leave without closing the door.Reactive Devaluation (Defense Against)
The psychological tendency to devalue proposals because the other side offered them. Counter by: exploring interests and options extensively before making an offer; presenting proposals as natural outgrowths of shared analysis; or using a one-text process where a neutral third party makes the proposal.Direct Quotes
[!quote]
"Your reputation for honesty and fair-dealing may be your single most important asset as a negotiator."
[source:: Getting to Yes] [author:: Roger Fisher] [chapter:: 9] [theme:: reputation]
[!quote]
"The best rule of thumb is to be optimistic — to let your reach exceed your grasp."
[source:: Getting to Yes] [author:: Roger Fisher] [chapter:: 9] [theme:: negotiatingpower]
[!quote]
"However unsavory the other side, unless you have a better BATNA, the question you face is not whether to negotiate, but how."
[source:: Getting to Yes] [author:: Roger Fisher] [chapter:: 9] [theme:: negotiation]
[!quote]
"Making assumptions about someone based on their group characteristics is insulting, as well as factually risky."
[source:: Getting to Yes] [author:: Roger Fisher] [chapter:: 9] [theme:: culturaldifferences]
[!quote]
"A good working relationship tends to make it easier to get good substantive outcomes for both sides."
[source:: Getting to Yes] [author:: Roger Fisher] [chapter:: 9] [theme:: negotiatingpower]
Action Points
- [ ] Before your next important negotiation, audit your power across all seven sources: How strong is your BATNA? Your relationship with the other side? Your understanding of their interests? Your creative options? Your command of relevant standards? Your communication plan? What commitments can you make?
- [ ] Practice the four reframing moves on positional statements you encounter this week — when someone says "my price is X," redirect to interests, options, standards, or BATNA instead of counter-offering
- [ ] Create a framework agreement template for your standard business deals — a document with blanks for price, closing date, contingencies, terms, and other variables — to use as a collaborative agenda
- [ ] For your next email-based negotiation, build personal connection first: schedule a brief phone or video call before diving into substance, and agree on ground rules for raising concerns early and in person
- [ ] Prepare a micro-BATNA exit line for your next difficult meeting: "Thank you for the discussion. Let me think about what we've covered and come back to you with some thoughts" — never let yourself be trapped at the table
Questions for Further Exploration
- Fisher identifies seven sources of negotiating power, but doesn't rank them — is there empirical evidence for which source matters most in different contexts (e.g., BATNA in competitive markets, relationship in long-term partnerships, standards in regulated industries)?
- The "reactive devaluation" research suggests that even generous offers are rejected if they come from an adversary — does this undermine the entire premise of principled negotiation, which depends on proposals being evaluated on their merits?
- Fisher advises negotiating with terrorists and dictators when your BATNA is worse than negotiation — but doesn't the act of negotiation itself sometimes strengthen the other side (by conferring legitimacy, buying time, or creating the appearance of good faith)?
- The communication mode research (face-to-face >> phone >> email for mutual gains) was published before the era of video calls, AI-assisted communication, and remote work — how should these findings be updated for 2025+ negotiation practice?
Personal Reflections
Space for your own thoughts, connections, disagreements, and applications. What resonated? What challenged your assumptions? How does this connect to your own experience?
Themes & Connections
- #negotiation — the core domain; this chapter synthesizes and extends the entire book
- #principlednegotiation — the method defended against all major objections
- #negotiatingpower — Fisher's seven-source model: BATNA, relationship, communication, interests, options, standards, commitments
- #BATNA — reaffirmed as the ultimate decision criterion for whether to negotiate at all
- #communication — mode matters enormously (face-to-face >> phone >> text/email); reframing as a power move
- #culturaldifferences — adapt to the individual, not the stereotype; "get in step" with their pacing and norms
- #reputation — for fair dealing, described as "your single most important asset as a negotiator"
- #fairness — nuanced treatment: competing standards are fine; agreement on "best" standard isn't required
- #commitment — the power of firm offers, negative commitments, and clarity about what you want
- #reframing — one of the most powerful game-changing moves: redirect positional statements to interests, options, standards, or BATNA
- #frameworkagreement — collaborative document-as-agenda that structures closure
- #closuretechniques — move gradually, keep tentative, be generous at the end
- Concept candidates: Negotiating Power, Reframing, Framework Agreement, Reactive Devaluation, Seven Sources of Power
- Cross-book connections:
Tags
#negotiation #principlednegotiation #negotiatingpower #BATNA #communication #culturaldifferences #reputation #fairness #commitment #reframing #frameworkagreement #closuretechniques